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Emery Schindler
Emery Schindler

1.6K Followers

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Published in Slackjaw

·Pinned

Your Drink Order, Personified

A stereotype walks into a bar. —

Humor

2 min read

Your Drink Order, Personified
Your Drink Order, Personified
Humor

2 min read

Your Drink Order, Personified

A stereotype walks into a bar.

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Published in Slackjaw

·Dec 17, 2020

DIY People Vs. The Rest Of Humanity

Do-It-For-Me-Please-I-Beg-You is the new Do-It-Yourself. —

Humor

2 min read

DIY People Vs. The Rest Of Humanity
DIY People Vs. The Rest Of Humanity
Humor

2 min read

DIY People Vs. The Rest Of Humanity

Do-It-For-Me-Please-I-Beg-You is the new Do-It-Yourself.

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Published in Slackjaw

·Dec 13, 2020

Psychoanalyzing My Houseplants

Fern was much too loved as a child, and it shows. — Pothos Reads a lot of self-help books, and after finishing each book actually makes substantial changes in their life in order to better themselves. So centered and at peace that they’re able to thrive in any environment. Good at establishing personal boundaries and communicating their emotional needs with others.

Humor

3 min read

Psychoanalyzing My Houseplants
Psychoanalyzing My Houseplants
Humor

3 min read


Dec 1, 2020

Alice Falls Down the Rabbit Hole That Is 2020

We’re not in Wonderland anymore — Down, down, down she fell. She worried she might never stop falling. Until, without warning, her fall was over. She was not a bit hurt. Only frightened by what she saw as she rose to her feet. ALICE: Oh my, everything is on fire. She heard singing coming from all…

Politics

5 min read

Alice Falls Down the Rabbit Hole That Is 2020
Alice Falls Down the Rabbit Hole That Is 2020
Politics

5 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Nov 24, 2020

Spirit Animal Quiz

What ~~energy~ do you give off? — You… Buy vegetables intending to eat them but end up ordering GrubHub instead, leaving the produce to rot in the graveyard that is your fridge. Prefer shots over mixed drinks and force your preference on others when drunk. Have one perfectly ironed shirt that you wear for every Zoom call. (With…

Self

3 min read

Spirit Animal Quiz
Spirit Animal Quiz
Self

3 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Nov 5, 2020

Dog People vs. Cat People

You can say you’re both, but we all… —

Humor

2 min read

Dog People Vs. Cat People
Dog People Vs. Cat People
Humor

2 min read

Dog People vs. Cat People

You can say you’re both, but we all…

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Published in Slackjaw

·Oct 24, 2020

Cinderella But Gordon Ramsay Is The Fairy Godmother

Disney’s next live-action remake. — Cinderella runs out to the garden, sobbing. CINDERELLA: It’s just no use, there’s nothing left to believe in. Sparkly dust gathers in front of Cinderella. Gordon materializes from the dust. GORDON: Best believe you look like you just crawled out of a sewer’s arsehole. Cinderella cries even harder. CINDERELLA: Oh…

Humor

2 min read

Cinderella But Gordon Ramsay Is The Fairy Godmother
Cinderella But Gordon Ramsay Is The Fairy Godmother
Humor

2 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Oct 19, 2020

Suburb People Vs. City People

Rural people would make me too stressed to… —

Humor

2 min read

Suburb People vs. City People
Suburb People vs. City People
Humor

2 min read

Suburb People Vs. City People

Rural people would make me too stressed to…

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Published in Slackjaw

·Oct 5, 2020

Bored of Routine? Try Channeling Chaotic Neutral Energy In Your Daily Life

Why be boring when you can throw your… —

Humor

2 min read

Bored of Routine? Try Channeling Chaotic Neutral Energy in Your Daily Life
Bored of Routine? Try Channeling Chaotic Neutral Energy in Your Daily Life
Humor

2 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Sep 11, 2020

Coffee People Vs. Tea People

Choose your fighter — Waking up at 7 am: When someone cuts you off in traffic:

Humor

2 min read

Coffee People Vs. Tea People
Coffee People Vs. Tea People
Humor

2 min read

Emery Schindler

Emery Schindler

1.6K Followers

literate most of the time

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